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<span>LZ非常喜欢唱歌~~<br/>每天晚上我都会轻声唱歌哄女儿入睡，女儿每次都能很快 睡着...<br/><br/>一次小外甥来我家住，晚上睡觉前，我无意听到女儿对小外甥说:“...只要咱们 假装睡着了，我妈妈就会很快 闭嘴的”......</span>


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<span>以前上学时候天天逃课，快放假了想去教室坐坐……老师问我找谁，我尴尬的说走错了，转身又去网吧了</span>


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：谁上神评谁是狗！
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<span>“我剪头才20，给狗剪个头收100？”<br/>“它敢吃屎，你敢吗？”<br/>“我要是敢呢？”<br/>“那以后你剪头也100”</span>


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<span>想起去年我和我弟去四姨家拜年，下午就要走的时候，我弟吞吞吐吐的，说“姨夫，包忘带了”“什么包？”“嗯....红包”</span>


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：吞吞吐吐
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<span>有次坐高铁回家，旁边刚好是一大学生妹子，我就想想要做过榜样（装个B），拿出我妹叫我带回去的一本书看看，结果……睡着了，哎，都毕业10年了，这习惯依然健在啊！</span>


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<span>今天坐火车回家，对面的小女孩突然说到:看白火车。小女孩的外公说到:这是动车。这时女儿也学着对面小姐姐说:妈妈看白火车。二货老婆回了句:是啊，白火车真白。</span>


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<span>昨天因为一点小事，和男朋友吵架了，我气得对他来了一百条控诉，一百条不满，一百条指责……<br/>后来我发现，就我自己在碎碎念，他一句也不说，我就大声质问他:你为什么不回嘴，没理嘛？<br/>男票:我就不和你吵，憋死你……</span>


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：大过年的，我被虐狗也就算了，你竟然脱单，脱离我们的汪汪一族？我告诉你，友尽了！！！
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<h2>愛上妳却輸了骄傲</h2>
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<span>楼主生平有个愿望，想去布达拉宫看看。终于攒够了钱和假期，带着激动的心情登上飞机，还没出拉萨机场，就因为高原反应，晕倒在地，被人送了回来。。。</span>


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：没白去，至少有了反应！！！
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<h2>睡觉撞墙卡跟头</h2>
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<span>一哥们，最大爱好是像个大妈一样砍价，乐此不疲<br/>跟女友到了谈婚论嫁的地步，在彩礼上，将 砍 价 进行到底，结果女方家长——女儿我们不嫁了！！</span>


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：阿姨，您再便宜点吧，下次我还上您这买来行不行？
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<h2>&lt;女监&gt;男监狱长</h2>
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<span>昨天下午在收拾屋子的姐夫饿了，跑到厨房吃中午的剩饭菜，姐姐对姐夫说:幸好我没收拾餐桌，不然你就得饿肚子了…这时候外甥来了一句:妈妈连自己的懒都说的那么清新脱俗</span>


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<span>什么是拥挤，什么是春运？<br/>春运的拥挤就是眼睁睁的看着几步外的座位在那召唤你，而如同天堑般的人墙让你无能为力<br/>-记在春运回家路上</span>


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<span>男朋友第一次来我家，吃完饭他帮老妈收拾碗筷，结果不小心打碎了一个碗。<br/>我男朋友就求助的瞅着我，我说：“别看我，我又不是哆啦A梦。”</span>


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：老妈想 傻点笨点好  以后闺女欺负他
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<span>春运大军，开始啦………</span>


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<h2>花朵朵~</h2>
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<span>你永远不知道一只猫有多会演，我不小心踩了家里喵星人的脚，这货从那天起就不会走路了，我奶奶天天抱着它去吃饭去排便，我天天受良心谴责……就昨天，家里没人，我开门的时候看到它在屋子里上蹿下跳，活力四射，见到我的瞬间往地上一摊，又开始装 起来……</span>


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<span>前几天在我屋床底下翻到的烟盒，打开一看里面有20块钱，我又放回去了，一直以为我爸也不容易，知道今天我才知道那是我爷爷的，我这一家子……都挺不容易的……</span>


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<span>二货老公不爱锻炼，我便经常拿人家骑行西藏说他，他烦了，买了自行车，说是来一场说走就走的骑行。我打的跟着，那二货才骑了不到十里路，连车都不要，打个滴滴就回去了</span>


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<span>几年前的事。三岁的侄子和两岁半的外甥女，把楼主的香水倒进马桶。。。<br/>楼主打骂不得，就罚他们站好，压着火给他们讲道理。看他们似懂非懂的样子，楼主无奈的说：你俩可以换位置想想。。。<br/>然后，就见这两个小东西，交换了一下位置，一个个托着小腮帮假装思考。。。</span>


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<span>感冒好严重…打喷嚏打不出来的滋味太难受了…今天一家三口去吃完面条…结账的时候憋了一路的喷嚏终于喷出来了…<br/><br/>太给劲了，给我打了个踉跄，一哥们正秃噜面条呢，让我不小心一手把脑袋按碗里了……</span>


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<span>一女同事妹纸自幼习武，身体素质较好，但性格偏男性化，是名正宗女汉子，家人都为她终身大事着急。<br/>但听说她最近成功撩 倒一汉子，今天我连忙恭喜她终于要脱单了。<br/>但妹纸忧郁的说：唉，别提了！那汉子是被我撂倒而不是撩倒……</span>


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<span>到面馆点了碗牛肉面，坐下等了会，来一小伙也点了碗牛肉面。<br/>我眼巴巴的看着端出来的牛肉面竟先给了那小伙，我不悦问伙计：我先来的，那份面是我点的，还有没有先来后到顺序？<br/>伙计头都没抬说：你的正在做。。<br/>这态度果断走人，走了一段距离才想起，面钱我都付了 ……</span>


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